A cognitive approach to Family Decision Making
In many family situations emotions guide what and how things are decided. Parental ‘scripts’ dominate how children are engaged in decision making and these are often handed down from generation to generation. The Formula 4 approach brings logic to bear - it is rational, adult and full of common-sense. It provides a clear framework for family decision making guided by a set of clear and irrefutable principles.
Permission to use power differently
Like it or not parents have responsibility for their children. The power they hold in this inherently unequal situation can be used and abused in many different ways. The Formula 4 Parenting approach gives parents the opportunity to be more flexible in their use of power. It aids responsible parenting. Parents can become more ‘rounded’ by being much clearer about when to share that power and when to rightly assert it. It gives parents a set of reasons, which can be explained to the children, about why they are approaching things the way they are.
Respect for the wisdom of children
Listen to what children say. When we give children a voice it is often surprising what very real value their contribution can bring. When children are heard they grow in self esteem and confidence. The Formula 4 parenting approach gets families talking around the kitchen table. It can build bonds of trust that show children the adults in their life respect them the way they are.
Confidence for isolated parents
These days, the extended family are often many miles away. We are becoming increasingly isolated from our neighbours and single parent families are becoming the norm. In this situation the Formula 4 Parenting approach becomes the wise grandparent. It helps bring confidence into family decision making with its reasonable solutions, offering a good best bet for dealing with everyday family dilemmas, big and small, as they come along.
The bundle of sticks
The parents were forever quarrelling about how each dealt with the children. Nothing the children did seemed to stop this. One day the youngest child gave his Mother a bundle of sticks and asked her to break them. She could not do so and nor could the Father. The child then undid the bundle and gave the sticks to his parents to break one by one. They did this very easily.
Formula 4 Parenting gives parental unity and strengthens the whole family. [Adapted from Aesop]
The Benefits of the Approach
Stability from Day to Day
Deal with issues the same way tomorrow as today.
Consistency between Adults
Parents and carers agree a common approach to the same sort of issues.
Set Limits
Clarity about what will happen in the face of certain behaviours.
Avoid Emotional Contagion
Parents adopt a ‘neutral’ and facilitative stance.
Create Healthy Debate
Allow areas of tension to be aired and then resolved.
Promote Fairness
Create a reasonable approach to the way decisions are made, as well as positive attitudes towards their outcomes, so banishing ‘unfairness’ to the shade.
Give New Skills to Parents and Carers
Develop skills in new parents and sharpens those who are long in the tooth. All have something to learn.
Be Practical
Use easily and quickly while in the course of the parent’s daily round.
Positive Parent Power
Guidance in the appropriate use and equalisation of parental power.
Trust
Put trusting children high on the family agenda.
Respect
'Everybody’s views in this family are taken seriously.'